Unpopular opinion: Everything wrong about your life might be in your name
The burning question on their teeming minds, was whether reality would entrap their creation or let it unwind. Would this little bundle of joy could sweat and grind only to fail when all was possible, or wait till all was lost and call in an audible?
I often think people fail to recognize the significance behind names. The evidence for this is like contact lenses, right in front of your eyes but hard to notice. It often makes me think, would I be the same person if I was named something else? I am guessing no; because maybe names have something useful about them. They define who you are or see yourself to be for the rest of your life, in an incontrovertible but subtle way. I’d go far enough to say, we need people with delightfully original names that aren’t two syllables also represent themselves in the limelight. You’d never see Olivia Wilde the same way again if you knew her real name at birth was Olivia Jane Cockburn. But that doesn’t take the cake. There’s this ridiculous name and character that I’m sure you’d know if you read Enid Blyton books that goes by “Mr. Whatizname”. His real name though is more colorful and which might be one of the biggest treasures in any possible book. Tell me which sounds better though: ‘Olivia Wilde’ or ‘Olivia Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo’. I prefer the latter, and probably that says more about me than it says about you.
Should it have been created in the first place? For all they knew, its existence was a higher power’s embrace. For a year or so they had to judge it by looks and transient feeling, if it was a monster they created they might not be the only people reeling.
How high should you be on Cartoon Network to name your kid Porky? Like what did you see in them in their first two years that reminded you of a pig. There’s this thing people say: “All babies are cute”, which is false. Some aren’t but they have redeeming features. Intelligence, toilet manners, probably even better sleep schedules and a healthier life. But if you name your kid Porky, I mean, that’s really preparing yourself for a few years of changing diapers like a Huggies television commercial on repeat. Also, there’s the most philosophical question here of how babies were created and how life is created, but we’ll do exactly what parents that named their kid porky did. We won’t worry about it or acknowledge it’s existence. Probably not worrying and going meta might be one of the best things. And so, we’ll just say all people must die, and go on about our daily lives without worrying; which counter-intuitively might be good for us.
Maybe, they created it for a higher purpose like remembering someone close and familiar, because the strongest bonds are those that run in blood and familial. Or probably they could honor the people they loved with a fierce passion, only to be rejected heartlessly with cold abandon.
There was this time when I met this Spanish-Mexican person who was interested in Indian culture. I was asked about my name and what it means. For those uninitiated, Raghav means “A man with the force” and that’s what I told her. A quick google search could tell you that “Raghav” means Lord Rama. But what I said is true because it is right there on the most verifiable source of all time: Urban dictionary. If you haven’t searched on Urban dictionary for what your name means, I suggest you do it like, right now. Go ahead. I’ll wait….It is either border-line racist and mean thing to say, something random like a one-legged unicorn rubbing its horn against a tree, or a super-made up acronym sounding stream of compliments. I genuinely love it because what it does to names is weird, unique, almost heartfelt and something that you could never have thought of before. There’s also these people voting on name meanings, which could be a good estimate of how much of a social influence someone wielding your name could have. The nice thing that Indians do is that they name people based on religious beliefs, and I love it. It is so uncool when there is someone that tells you something like my name means, “The first drop of fresh cold dew that drips over the ground”, or “A rose that has quite a few thorns” which is very specific and almost interesting. But Indian names got one over you. These were literally made based on positive vibes. You’d address someone close to you at least 20 times a day, 100 if you are in India. Naming them as something that is a namesake of a God is literally the Indian way of making even yelling at someone a good thing.
Some name it in the name of the childhood crush they still enamor, and others juxtapose long and complex phonetic to make everyone stammer. They could even try naming it something weird and cute, or name it after the vibe they exude.
There’s this idea of naming babies after something that you have failed to achieve, or to help you attain closure from an older relationship. This is perhaps quite interesting, since a reunion with an old group of people could become a revelation. And this is one trope that is rather overused in movies to exemplify unrequited love, hidden probably their entire life, accompanied by a sappy song that clings to billboard charts. Another funny instance that comes to mind is the epilogue for Harry Potter, where his kids are imposed with names of people he considered his idols. What kind of inordinate pressure does it pose on his kids? It’s like a burning red flag on an erupting volcano, for the kind of issues he carries or maybe even shoddy writing, if I could say that without launching you into a tirade about how I could even think of saying this about JK Rowling. Also, socially the dynamics of having a first name or nickname that’s light on the lips is invaluable because it’s easy to recall. But at times, your last name might be something important like, a reminder of where you come from, who you are and where you go.
But never were they clear about which one to choose, because they had quite good candidates they had to refuse. Finally, the best option was to be hopeful like rising sun at dawn, knowing they would always be around for their avatars as they kill, die and respawn.
Here, let me quickly pass a sidenote that a good gaming name can get you a laugh from someone on the other team, and allow people to roast you all the time if you do bad. I guess I need to, after all the stupid gaming names I have had. But, here’s where I suggest real change to the way names are done. Why not allow people to pick their own names at 18, or 25? Till then they can be assigned a number that identifies them as a placeholder on legal documents. There’s a chance we have a lot more Khaleesis and Starks around after we have this done but, is your name serving a purpose to someone: remembering people you were named after, exemplifying your lineage, feel truly yours. There’s gazetted forms to change names but I’d say we all need names we can live with, because we are going to be called so many things and it’s only fair we get called something we want to be called. I guess it also allows for someone to think real hard and long about their lives, and themselves and allows them to self-actualize. And there’s my cue to leave you to think hard about what you’d like your name to be if you want to change it. For those of you who want to rant at me how all of this was just not clickbait but a bunch of nonsense and doesn’t have any purpose, isn’t that what life is? *leaves you to think*
